A mind split several ways…

Continuing from my last post about the Kurukshetroid War, let me come back to the ‘personal’ part- the very essence of the Gita.
As an introduction, let me reiterate the fact that there shall always be opposition to change- from anything and everything, except the changing force. 
I also want to emphasize my feelings of a spiritual crisis during the summers of 2013. I have questions and a nagging thought that seems to tell me that I may find my answers iff I immerse myself in the deepest spiritual, philosophical and strangely, political works. I am desperately searching for something based on reason and truth, and not simply on blind submission, which is prescribed in most texts of ‘religion’.
In addition, there is the strange feeling of internal conflict, for though I personally would like to believe in the innate equality of the paths of spiritual knowledge and material knowledge (of which I am a devotee right now…), the union does not seem feasible. Then there comes the philosophy of communism which attract me, but for the tenet of atheism (which I would like to see being followed but not strictly follow it myself. It is after all a very successful policy of soul-searching, it has been tried out sometimes. However, I do strongly believe true religion is INTENSELY PERSONAL, as I was telling the Big friend of mine the other day, with intrapersonal conversations that make up its crux. A portion of this ‘intraperson’ subclass may be given the coveted title of God.) as well as the tenet of violence that Stalin and Mao have added to it, corrupting the works of Marx.
I am searching for a ‘Majjhima Patha’, as is the Ashtangika Marga known as. The one where all conflicts are optimized with the most efficient algorithm. However, a part of the mind wants me to place my faith in reason and take the ‘leap’ with the zeal to carve out a path, another wants me to get the security that a herd-mentality offers and not take risks which might give momentary pain.
The former is fickle, rebellious and angry, the latter – patient, thoughtful and calm. The former is my Arjuna, the latter the whole wide world against him. (The Gita is after all metaphoric, right?)
But who is my Krishna? Is he, like, united with Arjuna in the case I am talking about? (achieving the fabled ideal union of Nara (friend-like) with Narayan). Am I the one who can counsel myself and raise my hopes in the battle called life and knowledge? This question keeps wrenching my innards leading to the present spiritual crisis.
However, I must state that this eternal war is keeping me going, making me think and believe, read and get bored, renew my zeal, make me learn the secrets of diversifying my foci, kindle my interests in the sciences and the humanities, in people (no pun intended) and thoughts. It’s beautifully complicated like everything else out there, however-much men may pretend otherwise.
 Let’s hope all turns out well, as hope is the best of things one can have….

2 thoughts on “A mind split several ways…

  1. I said battle called life and knowledge, actually, ich bin zweifel…
    but this part I am clear about. I 'call' my battle life and knowledge. Knowledge or rather the process of gaining it is as much a battle as life in itself. I am in doubt as to who I shall turn to for help in this battle…

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